So this topic is a little raw for me. I always liked to imagine myself as confident and positive, but deep down I knew that I was neither of those. In fact I knew that if I wanted something too badly, I would not get it! I felt like I had to not want it or pretend to not want it to actually get it...LIKE SERIOUSLY!...how very twisted and such backwards way of life! So as you know, this summer has been revolutionary for me. I now know that GOOD THINGS DO HAPPEN TO ME! They happen to me all the time! I get whatever I want as long as that want and desire is attached to positive emotions and gratitude. But it hasn't always been this way...
One thing that I have been desperately working on is my self confidence. My self confidence has been tarnished, beat up, and run down by a oversized truck! By who you ask?....well... yours truly. We all go through life beating ourselves up mentally and emotionally. Have you ever sat down to just evaluate how you treat yourself? I had never done this, until recently. I noticed that although I love everyone around me SO MUCH, my family, my boyfriend, my friends, my students, my cat....I am cruelest to myself.
I went through my entire life criticizing every choice I ever made, even if that choice brought me happiness! "You could have done better", I would say to myself. Can you imagine the effect this had on my self confidence?
As you know, I am a teacher and when my students make mistakes I say, "Oh don't worry! Everyone makes mistakes, we are all human. You will get it next time!" Or if they come to me for advice I always encourage them to love themselves and not be so harsh. All this time I was such a hypocrite! I was giving advice that I was not taking myself...Let's just call it ignorance and this ignorance was not BLISS. I can't imagine saying the sorts of things I say to myself to my students! They would be crushed and hurt! Well then why do I say these things to myself?....I crush and hurt myself, when I should love myself THE MOST!
When trying to harness the universal power we think of negative thinking as an external factor. For an example, if we wake up and miss the bus we think, "OH GOD THIS DAY IS ALREADY STARTING TO SUCK!" Yes this is negative thinking, but so is this: "Why did I do that? How I can be so stupid! Ugh I am never gonna be as smart/beautiful/perfect..blah blah blah!" We are affecting the lives that we project by demeaning ourselves in this way. This is such a huge block for manifesting and increasing our frequency and vibrations! We must change not just how we perceive the world and others but how WE SEE OURSELVES!
Today I am going to bed saying this affirmation: "I am a freaking rockstar. I am a badass. I am smart, loving, and generous. There is no one out there like me. I am special!"
Cheers!
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